Shiny Happy Fat Homeless People
- Jul 12, 2010
- admin
- Investing
I’LL NEVER FORGET WHERE I WAS THE FIRST TIME I SPOTTED THIS PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED TO BE RARE SPECIES OF HOMO ERECTUS.
The date was April 1st. April Fools Day to be exact. My favorite holiday after Thanksgiving.
I remember it clearly because it had been the perfect day. A day I had dreamed about for ten years. A day I had visualized over and over again, down to the smallest detail.
Earlier that day I had finally bought my dream car – a baby blue 1967 Lincoln Continental Convertible with suicide doors.
But this wasn’t just my first classic car. I now owned a small piece of American history. American Iron. And the way I saw it I had an obligation to take care of her. To keep her on the road. To remind our young ones that we invented the automotive industry. To remind them that at one point – especially during the 50’s and 60’s – America created art on wheels.
And on that particular evening I wanted to get to know her. Open her up. See how she handled.
The sun was setting. The weather was perfect. 65 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. Florida heaven.
So there I was. Top down. Doing 70 down the Florida Turnpike. Wind blowing through my hair. The kind of moment where if it had to end right then and there I would have accepted my fate with a smile on my face.
But then I saw it. Like Bigfoot, I had heard about them before but never believed they actually existed. That is until I pulled off at the Glades Boulevard exit of the Florida Turnpike.
What I saw next shocked me –
Holding a sign that read “Homeless & Hungry: Please Spare Some Change,” was a man who must have weighed 300lbs.
Now I am not the type of person who thinks its cool to make fun of people down on their luck. But for the grace of God go I. Lord knows fate can be a fickle mistress.
But a 300lb homeless person who needs money for food? I’ve heard a lot of hustles in my life but this one had to take the cake (no pun intended).
Not to mention I have a darn good idea of how many calories a man must take in each day to weigh close to 300lbs and the last thing it suggests is that you need money for food!
(Not that I know from experience but over a five year period, a 6’ 2” man weighing 200 lbs has to take in 3,465.27 calories each day before he one day wakes up, looks in the mirror, and doesn’t recognize the round face attached to his 272lb body.)
Come on, I thought to myself, this must be a joke. Aren’t homeless people supposed to be skinny? How on earth is it possible for someone to be homeless and fat?
But it wasn’t a joke. And during the past few months I’ve seen more fat homeless people on my drive to and from work then I ever even knew existed. It’s just like getting a new car – suddenly they seem to be everywhere.
Even more disturbing is that when I retell this story to friends around the country they often cut me off halfway to tell me about their experiences with obese homeless people, which are disturbingly similar.
Either this is some radical new national weight loss treatment from Jenny Craig or we may be in the middle of the most unique recession in American history.
Now it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that this recession is much worse then is being reported. Just ask people who live in the real world and get their “news” from observing their surroundings instead of from the fake government statistics reported on television.
That’s why I believe it’s the latter: what we’re looking at may be the most unique recession in American history. Our first “Fat Recession.”
And if this is the first Fat Recession in our history – maybe even in the history of the world – what does that say about our country?
Maybe that’s the real reason so much of the world hates us. While they struggle to feed their families even our homeless people are fat!
And maybe that is really something we really have to take a long hard look in the mirror at. I know I’ve had this very unsettled feeling since becoming aware of our first Fat Recession.
Of course, to anyone who lives a peaceful life under the very protection America provides and then has the gall to resent and despise us for it I still say – KISS MY AMERICAN BUTT!
But now I’m just too embarrassed to pull down my pants and show it to them.
-Dylan Jovine